The Prime Minister's breakfast

Our Prime Minister is so worried that the EU might prevent the UK from protecting children from pornography that, as he told Parliament yesterday during PMQs, “I spluttered over my cornflakes when I read the Daily Mail this morning because we have worked so hard to put in place those filters.”

Now I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Mr Cameron was indulging in a little political poetic licence there. For starters, the last time I got my news from sitting down and reading the paper over breakfast was about 2003 and I’m not the Prime Minister. If he’d said “I almost woke Sam at 5.30 this morning exclaiming “bloody hell” when I scrolled down my newsfeed on my phone in bed”, I might buy it.

No, actually, I wouldn’t buy it. David Cameron is really interested in internet filtering, pornography and protecting children. We know that because he’s mentioned it many times in speeches in the past and there was a reference to it in the conservative manifesto. He’s also really interested in Europe, I think. He goes there quite a bit and I read that he’s busy negotiating lots of important things.

All in all, the likelihood of the Daily Mail being his first source of information on the EU net neutrality rules is pretty slim. They have been kicking around for some time and I’m pretty sure he’s been briefed on them, even if only by a quick look at the Telegraph over his Weetabix back in July.

I have to assume, then, that the Daily Mail/cornflakes line was used deliberately by the Prime Minister because he wants to portray himself as a sit-down-to-breakfast, read the paper, worry about the kids kind of guy and he wants to reassure us that he’s got our backs when it comes to those sexually liberal foreign types making merry with our porn laws. He wants to reassure Disgusted from Tunbridge Wells that he’s on it and distance himself from any sense of being at home in a digital landscape.

What a shame.

What a shame that he didn’t take the opportunity to talk about how rich and varied an experience the digital world can be. How sad that he didn’t point out that that the internet is a key source of information, communication, advice and support for young people. What a missed opportunity to talk about the challenge of protecting children and young people at the same time as enhancing their experience, helping them learn about taking risks and enabling their growth and development. What a pity he didn’t meander down a train of thought that included critical thinking, education, preparation for life, curiosity, emerging sexuality.

Over the last few years, I’ve learned a lot about the way we treat young people and the digital world. I’ve learned that, with all good intentions, but only a modicum of understanding,  we attempt to filter and block and censor – a lot of blunt tools with all sorts of unintended consequences (like the blocking of…ahem… important sexual health charity websites). Filtering is complex* and poorly understood by the public, the media, website owners and many politicians. We have never had a good quality public debate that asks questions like: who should judge what content is appropriate for whom? Is that the job of your ISP? How can we both protect and enhance young people’s experience? Do we all draw the same lines about when something becomes pornographic? Who should hold the balance of power when it comes to deciding what young people can access?

As usual, the biggest unanswered question is “What do young people think?” I don’t see many of those involved in this debate actually talking to young people. If you ask about young people’s voice or opinions in meetings with the Internet Service Providers (and I do), they don’t actually roll their eyes (because they’re a nice group of people, to be honest) but you can feel them doing it on the inside – “here she goes again…”

If we really and truly want to make the internet a safe, happy, empowering, exciting, interesting and informative space for young people to grow and thrive, we cannot simply try and block their access to bits of it. Instead, let’s start having sensible conversations with young people about what they see online, how they respond to it and what they might do in their lives to make it better. Perhaps Mr Cameron could mull that over next time he has a quick peek at Twitter during his lunchbreak.  

* I’m not planning to run Filtering 101, but, can I suggest you;

a) visit Internet Matters, read up on it and, if you run a website, submit a request to find out how your site is categorised.

b) understand more about the main four Internet Service Providers’ home broadband filtering options so you that you understand the way that filtering works or the extent to which your site might be being blocked.

c) make sure you feel happy about all that.

Harder, no: different, yes (version two - updated 20th August)

I often get asked whether it is more difficult for young people growing up now to navigate their way through what with sexting, revenge porn, easy access to internet porn etc etc. Each time I am asked I think of this Ted Talk from Ash Beckham who says 'hard is not relative, hard is hard...there is no harder, there is just hard'. (You can view the talk here http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kSR4xuU07sc)

Yesterday I was asked again whether it is more difficult for young people now on the same day as IPPR release a poll about the impact of pornography.  The poll showed that young people believe that pornography impacts on the way young people understand sex, their values and attitudes and in particular for young women, resulting in pressure to look and behave in particular ways. If you read the top line it is pretty grim reading, but thankfully young people have always navigated their way through complex situations and with the right policy solutions and public responses - i.e. a resolve to improve education and support, they will, I am confident, continue to do so now.

There is no doubt the internet has opened up all sorts of possibilities - some good, some bad and some downright ugly including the potential for bullying, harrassment and abuse. We know that young people use pornography for all sorts of reasons including to learn about sex in the absence of good sex and relationships education.  Whatever your interpretation of the evidence and your view about the impact of pornography, and whatever young people's reasons for watching it, there is absolutely no doubt there are much much better places to learn about sex and relationships. Full stop. We know from our work at Brook that it influences the way people learn about and understand about sex and sexuality, and can create all sorts of anxieties. 

And we are right to be worried, but we must not panic. Before we throw our hands up in despair it is important to think about what young people have successfully navigated in recent history: think about the 1960s when access to contraception was really difficult  for many, before the Abortion Act was passed in 1967 and if you were gay your love was illegal. More recently in the early 80s when the rights of under 16s to contraceptive treatment were untested and then the late 80s/early 90s at the start of the HIV epidemic, Section 28 was instilling fear about promoting homosexuality and young people often found emergency hormonal contraception was very difficult to get hold of without fear of reproach. Still now a short distance across the water in Northern Ireland it remains exceptionally difficult to get an abortion and only in recent years have young people been able to use Brook services without passing through protesters.

So as a general rule is growing up and starting your relationship and sexual career harder for young people now than ever before? Probably not. Is it different now? Yes, yes, yes.

Young people tell me time and again the most important thing us older people can do is trust young people and remember what it felt like to be young. Reflect and remember for example those feelings of falling in love for the first time, being anxious about who you fancied or about your body, simultaneously excited and confused by your sexual desires or concerned about your sexual performance. Remember what it felt like to worry you were pregnant or had a sexually transmitted infection, or to be pregnant, have a STI or want to tell your parent you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.  Remember mustering up the courage to end a relationship or 'to be dumped' for the first, second or third time, to be unsure whether you wanted or had had sex, or whether a person you fancied had noticed you and whether a friend would break friends with you if they found out your true identity. All of those things and more happened in the 60s, 70s, 90s and continue to happen now. The context and circumstances will change - who knows what is coming next - but the human feelings associated with these experiences remain largely the same. 

If we can remember that and start from a position of trusting young people we will less likely be overwhelmed by new technologies and by internet porn and we will stop looking for solutions which simply will not work. The best solution we will ever have is three fold - 1. like and trust young people and make sure they know we have high expectations for them so they have high expectations for themselves 2. commit to promoting equality, including gender and sexual equality, and ensure good education at home, at school and the wider community to equip young people with excellent knowledge, skills (including discernment) and develop their self belief so they can navigate their way through the opportunities and challenges of their time with confidence and verve. 

@simonablake @brookcharity @besexpositive

Guest blog post from Reni Eddo-Lodge

This guest blog is written by Reni Eddo-Lodge who is writes about all sorts of social justice issues at renieddolodge.co.uk

Young people have always been, and will continue to be interested in sex. The critical question shouldn’t necessarily be about whether they can access sex videos online, but rather about where they get their information from. If it’s not available at school or if parents are too squeamish, it’s unsurprising that young people might turn to porn to find out what goes where. David Cameron’s solution to this is an opt-in porn filter enforced by all internet service providers. He says this will protect childhood innocence, but it strikes me that this take is much like trimming at the leaves of a tree in order to stop it growing rather than ripping it out at the root.

Very recently, Cameron delivered a speech about the dangers of porn. He described it as a cultural problem, saying: ‘Many children are viewing online pornography and other damaging material at a very early age and…the nature of that pornography is so extreme it is distorting their view of sex and relationships.’ In his speech, the concept of education was mentioned a handful of times, all in the context of online safety rather than consent. 

Though I am nowhere near being Prime Minister any time soon, I’d like to suggest a more holistic approach.  In an ideal world, age appropriate sex and relationships education and hardcore pornography could peacefully coexist .We’d have a curriculum that equips young people with the critical tools to interpret, challenge, and (if they so wish) avoid porn. The impending porn block might crack down on the perceived problem of the ‘sexualisation’ of children, but David Cameron doesn’t even attempt to broach the real problem.

Frankly, it is blatant hypocrisy that Cameron would move to crack down on access to pornography whilst abandoning compulsory sex education. It’s a move that placates the concerns of parents, whilst leaving young people high and dry. When it comes to porn, education and sex, the concerns of the different generations are not the same. In 2011 we saw the Bailey report - a review into the commercialisation and sexualisation of children. The Bailey report gave voice to a lot of worried parents. In its qualitative research, it quoted parents who said things like: “The music videos that children can watch are extremely explicit – from the clothes they wear to the words and actions. Some songs my 13 year old sings back are shocking”. 
Yet just a few years earlier, UK Youth Parliament released a report called 'Are you Getting it?' After surveying over 20,000 young people, they found that 40% said the sex education they received in school was poor or very poor, with 33% saying it was average. They also found that 57% of girls aged 15 to 17 had not been taught how to use a condom. Condoms rarely appear in porn, so it’s clear there is a problem here. Schools aren’t teaching it and porn isn’t representing reality. So how are young people supposed to know? 

The current substandard, non-compulsory state of sex and relationships education in the UK is tantamount to state negligence. This is against a national backdrop in which consent is not on the curriculum and too many people learn about it through trial and error. I wish I could say that this is an exaggeration, but  the reality is that one in five women in England and Wales have reported a sexual offence since the age of 16 - and that’s nothing on the hundreds and thousands of incidents that go unreported to victim blaming and shame.
It doesn’t look like it’s going to get better any time soon.  Personal, Social, Health and Economic education (PSHE), the traditional home of sex ed, was left languishing at non-statutory status on the national curriculum in the latest government review.

We still live in a world where young people are none the wiser until they actively seek out information.  A strong, preventative, educational line on consent could alleviate some of the fears around hardcore porn that already exists and could draw clear lines around fantasy and reality.  If Cameron is serious about protecting young people both on and offline then he has to realise that consent is the key. We’re not just at risk from paedophiles - we also pose risks to each other.

https://www.gov.uk/government/speeches/the-internet-and-pornography-prime-minister-calls-for-action
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2013/jan/10/sex-crimes-analysis-england-wales
http://www.ukyouthparliament.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/AreYouGettingIt.pdf
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/175418/Bailey_Review.pdf
http://www.pshe-association.org.uk/resources_search_details.aspx?ResourceId=495

Basically we need sex and relationships education everywhere

There has been a lot of discussion and press coverage recently about pornography and its impact on young people's values and attitudes and their understanding of healthy relationships, consent and sexual violence and safety. The Office of the Children's Commissioner published  'Porn is basically everywhere....' (hence the title of this blog). As I write this weekend Woman's Hour is discussing pornography, sexual violence and the importance of sex education as fundamental in protecting young people.

As you would expect there is a very wide range of different views about pornography and its impact on attitudes and behaviour. The evidence is in fact pretty unclear (see http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jun/30/ban-pornography-and-you-promote-censorship).  It is crystal clear however is the back drop against which young people develop an understanding of sex and sexuality is changing dramatically in the digital age and access to pornography is getting easier.

Pornography comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of it portrays illegal, abusive and dangerous activity and that of course requires a particular response.  And despite much of the concern focusing on 'hard core porn' the confidence and concerns of a lot of young people are likely to be centred around images of 'perfect' bodies and and overly competent sexual activity that creates anxiety and confusion about pubic hair, ejaculate, breast or penis size etc.

It is also clear that whatever internet controls are available access to and availability of pornography is here to stay.  Our job as sensible adults is to trust young people, keep pornography use in perspective and to ensure that pornography is not the primary sex educator for young people by educating them about pornography ourselves.

Despite what many people believe most young people manage their sexual lives and relationships pretty well. Day in day out at Brook we see hundreds of young people who despite our peculiar culture about sex make an active decision to access education, help, advice and treatment.

Most of them tell us they wish they had better education at home and at school, most of them know the difference between fantasy and reality or are savvy enough to ask the difference if we create safe spaces. And it is our job to ensure ALL of them know the difference between fantasy and reality and have safe spaces to ask through good education and support. That is why I was so pleased to see the recommendation from the Office of the Children's Commissioner that we must improve sex and relationships education in schools.

It is our job to help young people - both young men and young women - feel good about themselves and confident about their rights,  understand what consent is and how to actively give or refuse it, the importance of only having sex they want and choose and know that everyone has the right to say no, to change their mind or to do some things but not others.

And whatever else goes on in the digital age those are values, beliefs and skills we can and must nurture in our young people. To do otherwise is an abdication of our responsibility to young people.

The Sex Education Forum has published a magazine to help us talk to young people about pornography (www.ncb.org.uk/SEF). http://bishuk.com/ also has useful advice and materials.

Wet dreams, pornography, pleasure and shame

Earlier this week I attended a debate about pornography run by fpa (www.fpa.org.uk) in conjunction with the Women's Library. There were different views on whether pornography is good or bad (and whether some is good and some is bad - soft = good/hard = bad; heterosexual = bad because of gender inequality, gay and lesbian porn = not so bad because it might be educational). These arguments are perennial and the opinions endless. There was also lots of discussion about sex education, and the importance of improving sex education so young people do not have to rely on pornography to find out about sex. Of course it is important to improve sex education, to be more explicit about sex with young people so they understand how it works. Little room for argument there.

But that is only half of the story because beyond educational purposes many people watch pornography because they get pleasure from it and yet it can also make people embarrassed and ashamed.

When I worked with young men on a fpa project over a decade ago, one young man said, 'pornography is good for a wank, but I hide it.' Another said 'my mum had been washing my sheets when I had wet dreams and not saying anything, then she found my mags and left me a note saying I was dirty - how confusing is that?'

In an age of ever increasing access to pornography and a growing number of the You Tubers making their own porn, how do we as practitioners bring together the different perspectives of pleasure, pain, inequality and education in a way that makes sense for young people and help them think about pornography in interesting ways, and reflect on the distance between the sexual prowess, stamina and low level communication in porn, and the realities of everyday relationships and everyday lives.

'Love in the time of phone porn' - a response

An article in Tuesday’s Guardian (Love in the time of phone porn, 29 January 2007 http://education.guardian.co.uk/egweekly/story/0,,2001171,00.html) again highlighted the worrying levels of sexual imagery that young people are exposed to via television, magazines and a range of new media including bluetoothing on mobile phones. The article rightly underlined the importance, in this environment, of sex and relationships education (SRE) in schools that counters the potentially damaging messages about sex and relationships that young people are likely to have received through the media.

Improving Personal, Social and Health Education (PSHE), the curriculum subject in which teaching about sex and relationships takes place is certainly important. Brook believes it is an entitlement for all children and young people and should be made part of the national curriculum. Unfortunately, however, PSHE is not the universal panacea. For decades young people have been telling us they need more reliable, consistent, open discussion about sex, gender, relationships, body image and so on. More recently young men in particular have been telling us the education they receive at home, at school and in the community was not helping them learn how to be good at relationships and to understand sex. They tell us they turned to pornography for this vital information, and as technological change races on the dissemination of porn via the internet and bluetooth has become ever easier to access. But porn in turn is confusing and reinforces stereotypes, fears and concerns.

The Guardian article talks a lot about the role of schools, but much less about the responsibilities of us all as parents, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters and family friends. No one person or organisation can bring about the cultural change we need so that when young people decide to have relationships and sex they are emotionally ready, can communicate well, respect themselves and their partners and take responsibility for and enjoy sex. Many things have changed since Brook first opened its doors in 1964 to provide contraception for unmarried people, not least the explosion in the number of ways in which people receive information about sex. However, the need for reliable, objective information and advice and our shared responsibility to provide it remains as great as ever.