Recently in my role as CEO of Brook I have been asked three times whether I have my own children. I assume from the way the question has been asked that this is a shorthand and somewhat peculiar way of checking whether I could have the best interests of young people at heart. In fact I have been told explicitly that I cannot really understand the issues unless I am a parent. In the same period I have been told that health professionals are undermining the authority of parents.
No I am not a parent, and no I do not believe that health professionals undermine parents.
Parents have a unique relationship with their children. Ideally the relationship will be nurturing, loving and caring: helping the child learn and grow, develop their sense of self and their identity with confidence.
And in the best of worlds every single child would experience that care from parents who were confident and able to talk to their children about growing up, relationships, sex and sexuality. Whilst this is true for some young people, sadly it is not the case for many whose parents may have difficulty talking about sex, sexuality and sexual health. In the very worst cases children are hurt and abused by their parents.
But even in a perfect world full of perfect parenting, health professionals would still be needed in abundance because they offer professional expertise that is different to the personal relationship of care that parents have with their children. These health professionals provide clinical advice about contraceptive choices and the different issues that need to be considered when choosing a method of contraception. Clinicians may also need to provide emergency contraception, advice about pregnancy choices, referral for, or provision of, abortion, as well as testing and treatment for sexually transmitted infections.
Within and outside Brook health professionals do their work with young people in the context of care and respect for young people's rights. They also encourage and support young people to talk to a parent or another adult they trust. And of course they only provide contraception to young people if they believe they have the capacity to consent as defined against the Fraser guidelines which were established in case law.
The evidence tells us what we need to do if we want young people to be confident in their sexuality, only have sex they actively choose and can enjoy and take responsibility for. It includes
• good parenting where parents talk to their children about bodies, relationships, growing up and sex
• good quality relationships and sex education in schools
• access to confidential sexual health services
In the absolute majority of cases parents know this to be true. That is why there is such a strong consensus in support of school based sex and relationships education and the provision of confidential sexual health services for young people.
That consensus exists despite the fact that many parents don’t find issues of sex, sexuality and relationships easy to address with their children. When I talk to parents they tell me ‘I hope my child does not have sex too early; I hope they are able to talk to me and if they can't I hope they find a professional they trust who will help make sure they are safe.’
Health professionals provide important clinical advice and rights based support to young people who need it day in day out. Some of those who need that support are the most vulnerable young people, some are having sex, some are being hurt and exploited.
I and every health professional or sex educator I know values enormously the unique role that parents must, can and do play in young people’s lives. I have never met a health professional who sets out to undermine parents. I also value the important and different role health professionals play for all young people including the most vulnerable.
I want parents to be children’s first sex educator (see the brilliant Speakeasy book published by www.fpa.org.uk which helps parents talk to their children), and most sensible people want to ensure children and young people have good quality relationships and sex education in school, and access to confidential services as well.
Whether I am a parent is irrelevant, and the view that health professionals undermine parent’s role is not true. It cannot be a coincidence that those same people who ask whether I am a parent often want to promote abstinence-only, abolish relationships and sex education and limit young people’s rights to confidential sexual health services.
By working together we can change our culture so we have high expectations of young people, in order that they have high expectations for the relationships and sex they choose to have, when they are ready to have it.
Showing posts with label parents and sexual health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents and sexual health. Show all posts
Monday, 2 July 2012
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
A ridiculous storm in a teacup
Today's Metro has the front page story 'girls, 11, to send text for sex pill'. Another storm in a teacup where the mistruths and lies are hidden behind hysterical headlines.
As far as I can tell the service provides young people with the opportunity to text their school nurse in the holidays so s/he can tell them where the nearest sexual health service is if they need sexual health advice and information. Sounds very sensible to me and will to most sensible adults once they can see beneath the surface.
So why create 'sex pills' and produce inflammatory headlines that make people object. Yes, theoretically an eleven year old could text their school nurse. Most won't because very small numbers of 11 years are having sex (most under 16 years old aren't). And if they are having sex and they do they ask for help the school nurse will have an identified process to follow and there is a real chance to identify any harm and abuse.
There are all sorts of things that theoretically I can do and I won't which suggests they don't deserve the front page -that doesn't make space for a headline that can only create mistrust between parents and professionals. And just for the record, children's professionals across health, education and social care are not in the business of undermining parents. We know partnerships between parents and professionals work. And health professionals work to Fraser Guidelines when working with under 16s that explicitly require them to encourage communication with parents.
As far as I can tell the service provides young people with the opportunity to text their school nurse in the holidays so s/he can tell them where the nearest sexual health service is if they need sexual health advice and information. Sounds very sensible to me and will to most sensible adults once they can see beneath the surface.
So why create 'sex pills' and produce inflammatory headlines that make people object. Yes, theoretically an eleven year old could text their school nurse. Most won't because very small numbers of 11 years are having sex (most under 16 years old aren't). And if they are having sex and they do they ask for help the school nurse will have an identified process to follow and there is a real chance to identify any harm and abuse.
There are all sorts of things that theoretically I can do and I won't which suggests they don't deserve the front page -that doesn't make space for a headline that can only create mistrust between parents and professionals. And just for the record, children's professionals across health, education and social care are not in the business of undermining parents. We know partnerships between parents and professionals work. And health professionals work to Fraser Guidelines when working with under 16s that explicitly require them to encourage communication with parents.
Saturday, 5 July 2008
Sex and relationships education
Children, young people, parents, carers and professionals overwhelmingly agree that education about emotions, relationships, keeping safe, growing and developing must start when children are very young so they grow, learn and develop with confidence. As they get older they need specific information about puberty, about relationships and about conception, reproduction, contraception, sex, sexuality and sexual health. Children and young people repeatedly ask for education that explore emotions and real life dilemmas, as well as biological information and the development of everyday life skills. Their right to this education is enshrined in the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.
Yesterday, Brook (www.brook.org.uk) and fpa (www.fpa.org.uk) reaffirmed their commitment to children and young people's emotional and social development, and called on governments' across the UK to ensure children and young people's entitlement by committing to statutory provision of Personal, Social and Health Education in schools. This is nothing new, indeed both the Teenage Pregnancy Independent Advisory Group and the Sexual Health and HIV Advisory Group - both expert groups set up to provide advice to government in England, have been calling for statutory PSHE for many years. Two perennial issues arose through the day;
The name sex and relationships education
many primary schools call it family education; growing up; being me. I don't mind what it is called, I just want children to get the education they ask for, need and deserve. Some journalists persisted in calling the subject sex education, instead of sex and relationships education. This is an unnecessary way of trying to politicise the issue and frighten people. Sex and relationships education in the primary school, is not about teaching four year olds to have sex. It is about keeping safe, learning about changing and growing, emotions, learning to live, learn and play with other children who are similar and different from them.
The role of parents
Parents and carers must be children's first educator. Children want them to be. And schools are parents partners. Brook and fpa both are committed to supporting parents to talk to their children about relationships and sex, and to engage effectively in partnership with schools. Indeed fpa has over the last decade been running a highly successful programme to support parents called Speakeasy. As with all area of life, children learn in a progressive way from a range of different sources.
Northern Ireland requires all schools to provide relationships and sexuality education. There is a strong and growing consensus in England that there must be statutory Personal, Social and Health Education, where relationships and sex is taught. There is no need for heated debate - instead we need sensible discussion about how parents, children, young people and professionals can work together to ensure all children have the education, support and skills they need to be grow and live healthy confident lives.
Monday, 28 January 2008
Helping parents and carers talk to their children about relationships, emotions and sex
Chris Bryant, Labour MP for Rhondda in Wales, today launched teenagemothers.org.uk a website that provides the opportunity for visitors to vote on key issues relating to young people, sex and relationships, including whether sex and relationships education should be statutory. I urge you to visit his site and vote.
It is always helpful when there is a fresh voice in the ongoing discussion about youth sexuality and teenage pregnancy - on this occassion there has been a focus on Chris' recommendation that a leaflet should be sent to parents of 11 or 9 year olds depending on what you read. If you are a parent, grandparent, a (real or pretend) aunt or uncle or a sibling there are already booklets available to help you.
Visit the Parentline Plus website at www.parentlineplus.org.uk or fpa at www.fpa.org.uk
Both have some very useful advice and support.
It is always helpful when there is a fresh voice in the ongoing discussion about youth sexuality and teenage pregnancy - on this occassion there has been a focus on Chris' recommendation that a leaflet should be sent to parents of 11 or 9 year olds depending on what you read. If you are a parent, grandparent, a (real or pretend) aunt or uncle or a sibling there are already booklets available to help you.
Visit the Parentline Plus website at www.parentlineplus.org.uk or fpa at www.fpa.org.uk
Both have some very useful advice and support.
Wednesday, 29 August 2007
I went to the dentist today...
...and for most people the link between this and a blog which addresses sexual health and relationships may be tenuos - less so for me perhaps because my partner is a dentist but that is not the purpose of this post.
However, when I was a child i had some pretty grim experiences with my dentist. I always hated it and when I asked him to stop or give me a minute with a squeak or a frantic wiggle of the hand he just carried on regardless. Until this year i have had to be sedated for any treatments. After much coaxing from my partner, some self determination and patience from my suitably selected dentist today i had only my second session of treatment without sedation in 15 years.
So here is the link to relationships and sexual health - firstly our experiences when we are young will often lay the pattern for relationships and create expectations for the future. It is therefore crucial that we respect young people's developing sexuality, help them expect and want to give and get a lot from their relationships, only have sex that they choose to have and ensure their early experiences of sexual health services are good.
Second, as i have learnt from my recent dental episode, it can take a lot of reassurance, a lot of encouragement and a lot of determination to do things differently or to expect something better - for those young people who have had poor early experiences which may include abuse and harm we can help them create a new map for themselves by providing that reassurance and encouragement to foster their determination. Unless we do young people expecting too little, become adults who expect too little and they in turn become the parents of our next generation, who in turn will also expect too little from their relationships.
However, when I was a child i had some pretty grim experiences with my dentist. I always hated it and when I asked him to stop or give me a minute with a squeak or a frantic wiggle of the hand he just carried on regardless. Until this year i have had to be sedated for any treatments. After much coaxing from my partner, some self determination and patience from my suitably selected dentist today i had only my second session of treatment without sedation in 15 years.
So here is the link to relationships and sexual health - firstly our experiences when we are young will often lay the pattern for relationships and create expectations for the future. It is therefore crucial that we respect young people's developing sexuality, help them expect and want to give and get a lot from their relationships, only have sex that they choose to have and ensure their early experiences of sexual health services are good.
Second, as i have learnt from my recent dental episode, it can take a lot of reassurance, a lot of encouragement and a lot of determination to do things differently or to expect something better - for those young people who have had poor early experiences which may include abuse and harm we can help them create a new map for themselves by providing that reassurance and encouragement to foster their determination. Unless we do young people expecting too little, become adults who expect too little and they in turn become the parents of our next generation, who in turn will also expect too little from their relationships.
Monday, 9 July 2007
Emergency contraception in schools - setting the record straight
Yet again there is a misleading story in the press about school based sexual health services this week. According to the story there are hundreds of eleven year olds having sex and being encouraged to do so by the provision of emergency contraception in schools.
Most young people under the age of 16 do not have sex. At 11 the numbers of children who have consensual sex, that is not abusive are tiny. Any professional told by an 11 year old they are having sex is always extremely concerned. In almost all cases it will be viewed as a child protection issue, and sensitive work with the child so they can identify what help is needed and the best way to get help will take place. Telling the parent may not always be the answer, if there is abuse or violence in the family for example.
This is true whether the health service provision is located in the community or provided on school premises. Across the country schools decide to establish health services on school grounds because young people and professionals tell them they are needed. Not just for sex advice but so young people can get help on a whole range of issues from stress, pressure and emotional well being, sorting out spots and smelly feet, getting contraception and emergency contraception, issues with family and friends etc. Providing these services is the right and moral thing for schools to do, particularly where young people cannot get to any others, for example those who live in rural areas and are bussed many miles to school each day.
And schools develop these services with the support of the absolute vast majority of parents and the community - yet we never hear their voices because of the deafening cry from the tiny numbers of parents who do not support them. We get many calls at Brook from parents who find themselves upset when they find their daughter is on the pill, or has found themselves pregnant. Typically the story takes a similar path - i wish she wasn't having sex, and if she is i wish she had been able to talk to me, and as the conversation develops parents say if felt she couldn't talk to me I am so pleased there was somewhere she could go to get help to stay safe.
That somewhere may be Brook, it may be a school based service, or it may be the local GP. The important thing is not where it is, but that it is provided by trained staff who are committed to young people's safety, who will help them think about the rights and choices they have, including the right not to have sex, and will also encourage them to talk to an adult they trust.
Up and down the country professionals are working hard to work in partnership with parents and to support young people to make real choices about relationships so they can enjoy and take responsibility for the sex they have, when they do decide to have it.
Most young people under the age of 16 do not have sex. At 11 the numbers of children who have consensual sex, that is not abusive are tiny. Any professional told by an 11 year old they are having sex is always extremely concerned. In almost all cases it will be viewed as a child protection issue, and sensitive work with the child so they can identify what help is needed and the best way to get help will take place. Telling the parent may not always be the answer, if there is abuse or violence in the family for example.
This is true whether the health service provision is located in the community or provided on school premises. Across the country schools decide to establish health services on school grounds because young people and professionals tell them they are needed. Not just for sex advice but so young people can get help on a whole range of issues from stress, pressure and emotional well being, sorting out spots and smelly feet, getting contraception and emergency contraception, issues with family and friends etc. Providing these services is the right and moral thing for schools to do, particularly where young people cannot get to any others, for example those who live in rural areas and are bussed many miles to school each day.
And schools develop these services with the support of the absolute vast majority of parents and the community - yet we never hear their voices because of the deafening cry from the tiny numbers of parents who do not support them. We get many calls at Brook from parents who find themselves upset when they find their daughter is on the pill, or has found themselves pregnant. Typically the story takes a similar path - i wish she wasn't having sex, and if she is i wish she had been able to talk to me, and as the conversation develops parents say if felt she couldn't talk to me I am so pleased there was somewhere she could go to get help to stay safe.
That somewhere may be Brook, it may be a school based service, or it may be the local GP. The important thing is not where it is, but that it is provided by trained staff who are committed to young people's safety, who will help them think about the rights and choices they have, including the right not to have sex, and will also encourage them to talk to an adult they trust.
Up and down the country professionals are working hard to work in partnership with parents and to support young people to make real choices about relationships so they can enjoy and take responsibility for the sex they have, when they do decide to have it.
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