Teenage girls in crisis?

Gender it seems is making the news again. At last. For far too long we have stopped talking about it in public spaces.

There is a really interesting article in the Observer today (I tried to get the link for this blog, but doing this via phone and it won't work for me) called Are Britain's teenage girls really in crisis? It is well worth reading as I am sure the book Living Dolls: the return of sexism by Natasha Walter will be too. The article concludes with the paragraph;

'The message is that for modern teeange girls the encouragement to do better, look better and have more has become almost unbearable. They need help and they need it urgently - not only for themselves but for the next generation, whose mothers they will be'.

And I agree with much of the sentiment in the article. And we have to be really clear here, the arguments about whether teenage girls are the most vulnerable group in society need to be heard. But for me, what i hear from young people and staff at Brook is that it is gender - growing up as a boy, or a girl and what that means that we have to address. We have to really think about what we are teaching boys and girls, and what boys and girls are learning about themselves, their bodies, their aspirations and about sex. And unless we do so we will miss the point in the development and implementation of youth policy.

That is why Brook's conference this year is on gender - at this conference we will premier a film about gender made by young people who work at Brook and have a real opportunity to spend quality time focusing on how we put gender back central stage in a way that is relevant and meaningful for this century. You can see the trailer for the film on You Tube by searching for Brook Gender 2010 and you can find out more about the conference by visiting brook.org.uk

Pink Pink Pink Pink Pink

Earlier this year Brook set out our belief that we will not reach our targets to reduce teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, or improve the quality of young people’s relationships unless we address gender in policy and practice. Through the contact we have with approximately 1600 young people every day at Brook, we recognise that how boys learn to boys, and girls learn to be girls has a huge and often negative impact on their relationships and sexual choices.

And an ex colleague of mine, Emma Moore clearly thinks the same. She and her sister, Abi have developed a campaign www.pinkstinks.co.uk

There is an article about the campaign in today’s Guardian called The Power of Pink. The campaign set out to offer girls positive alternative role models and ‘trying to stop the seemingly unstoppable tide of pink was simply another way they felt, of challenging what was rampaging and unacceptable stereotyping, from earliest childhood.’

The article describes some of the challenges the sisters have received which demonstrate how deeply gender is embedded in our society – from claims the sisters are lesbians (how original – nobody who has dared to challenged stereotypes has had that allegation thrown before!) to questions of their sanity.

But much more moving and important are the emails from little girls along the lines of ‘carry on and make it easier for girls like me to try different things without feeling like an outsider’ and ‘girls like me shouldn’t be forced to like pink. Can you think of a good name for girls who don’t want to be girly girls but aren’t tomboys?

So does pink matter – yes, not because it isn’t a nice colour, not because nobody should like it, but because when there is only one game in town it narrows perspectives, slims down the possibilities and restricts people’s ability to be themselves. So I go back to my original assertion that it is time to turn the gender air conditioning off, and notice how tightly we define the possibilities for boys and girls. It starts early, it’s pernicious and its important that we challenge it.

I don’t want to return to the past where girls were made of all things nice and boys were made of slug tails. We cannot allow the power of marketing to turn the tide on social change and progress it isnt fair on boys or girls.

To find out more about Brook’s conference on March 4th 2010 visit http://www.brook.org.uk/

Some things from my head on a saturday

This week has been as varied, interesting and challenging as most weeks are. As I sit with a cup of coffee on Saturday morning reflecting on the week there are a few things that are floating in my head that might be of interest.

Funded by V we have 20 young people working 4 days a week over the next two years. The first five have just started working with us part of the Vtalent year programme. Their brief is broad - they are here to work on sexual health campaigning and it is their role with the project manager to scope, define and fund, execute and evaluate their work. I was invited to come and listen to their work.

They have done some really brilliant thinking about the reality of growing up as a young person in todays world and what helps and prevents young people developing sexual and relationship confidence and competence. The quality and quantity of work done by five people in such a short amount of time is remarkable and I am excited about the potential power and impact of their work in the future.

I am proud of the way the team within the office has really quickly adapted the way they work to offer help and support, as well as learn from the young people we have the privilege of working with us on a day to day basis.

We also kick started the process of involving young people in preparing for our annual conference in March 2010. The theme next year is gender. My assertion and belief is that unless we bring gender centre stage and use our understanding of gender stereotypes and expectations to inform all of our policy and practice development we will fail on our policy objectives of reducing teenage pregnancy and improving sexual health and the quality of relationships. A group of young people are setting off on a project to provide conference delegates with a first hand view 0f growing up as a boy or growing up as a girl in the 21st century. Asked what i was expecting them to tell us, I truly do not know what they will say - having been involved in many projects about gender about 15 years ago, I am waiting with anticipation to see what is the same and what is different.

Following the gender theme, in 2004 Amnesty International launched a global campaign to Stop Violence Against Women and campaigned with others to get rape recognised as a war crime. In June last year the UN passed resolution 1820 that recognises rape as a war crime that undermines peace and security. This resolution is a major achievement and the resolution needs sustained support and commitment from governments to ensure that rape is stopped. This eyewitness account from Nepal emphasises the importance of all us doing what we can to support the campaign -

'An officer ordered five of his men to take her to a nearby cowshed. At 5 am Reena was taken out and three shots were heard. Villagers found her naked body after the security forces left the village. Bloodstains on her discarded clothes and underwear indicated that she had been raped before she was killed.'

Finally Lionel Shrivers, the author of 'You need to talk to Kevin' was interviewed in last Saturdays Guardian. She really made me think about relationships with parents, how they change over time, and how important it is to stop reverting to a teenage/parent relationship when one is with them - which I find it remarkably easy to do sometimes. Talking about how a a novel she wrote hurt her family and their relationship, she says 'accustomed to trying to win the approval of my parents, I under appreciated how much parents yearn for the approval of their children, too.' The next day I was listening to a radio programme about children who were the first to go to University in their family and some of the challenges the families faced in understanding each other.

It was a sobering listen as people allowed deep misunderstanding and assumptions to hurt relationships within the family. This came on the back of my brothers wedding which was brilliant day, and where I saw the overwhelming pride and love of my parents, and lots of family who I hadn't seen for far long. As I listened to the programme I felt bad about the times I got a bit above myself when I first went to college and learnt so many new things, grateful my family put up with it, were proud of it and put me back in my box from time to time, and resolved to make sure that this Christmas there would be no retreating to 1988 and my folks know how much I approve of and value them deeply.

NSPCC report on sexual violence

Sexual bullying and sexual violence has become an increasing policy and practice concern. And the NSPCC today launched an interesting report about the experience of teenage girls in relationships that adds to the evidence as to why this must be a concern. The research, a study of almost 1400 13 - 17 year olds shows that a third of teenage girls suffer unwanted sexual acts in a relationship and a quarter physical violence.

The survey of 13 to 17-year-olds found that nearly nine out of ten girls had been in an intimate relationship. Of these, one in six said they had been pressured into sexual intercourse and 1 in 16 said they had been raped. Others had been pressured or forced to kiss or sexually touch. In addition quarter of girls had suffered physical violence such as being slapped, punched, or beaten by their boyfriends.

Nearly nine out of ten boys also said they had been in a relationship. A smaller number reported pressure or violence from girls. (Only one in seventeen boys in a relationship reported being pressured or forced into sexual activity and almost one in five suffered physical violence in a relationship).

Girls were much more likely to find this behaviour harmful - more than three in every four compared to one in ten boys. Girls also reported that they suffered more repeatedly in relationships and at a younger age.

Sian, one of the girls interviewed for the research, said: "I only went out with him for a week. And then because I didn't want to have sex he just started picking on me and hitting me."

Having an older boyfriend was found to put girls at a higher risk, with three-quarters of them saying they had been victims. Girls from a family where an adult had been violent towards them, one of their parents, or siblings, were also at greater risk.

For boys, having a violent group of friends made it more likely that they would be a victim, or be violent themselves, in a relationship.

Bobby, one of the boys interviewed for the report, said: "I think there's probably more pressure on boys, but if a girl goes out with a lot of people she's called a 'slut' or a 'slag' or something, but if it's a boy he's just one of the lads if he

I have yet to read the full report, but it is clear from what i have read so far that sexual violence is a really important issue and that gender plays a really significant part in the way young people understand and navigate their sexual relationships.

That is why Brook's annual conference on March 4th 2010 is focusing on gender. To find out more about the conference BoyGirlManWoman - putting gender at the heart of sexual health and teenage pregnancy work email events@brook.org.uk

Brook

Making a difference

I have been in Jersey and Bristol this week meeting staff, trustees and partners to discuss Brook’s strategic framework (http://www.brook.org.uk/) and our organisational design and governance structure review (www.brook.org.uk/review)

Three things have stuck in my mind;

First the creativity, commitment and boldness of staff in meeting the needs of young people – recognising the resilience and the vulnerability of young people and demonstrating their commitment to helping young people understand their rights and responsibilities in relation to sex and sexuality.

Second, Brook in Jersey was set up over 15 years ago in response to their high teenage pregnancy rates amongst young people under 16. The Chief Medical Officer report the year before Brook was set up reported over 300 pregnancies amongst young people under 16. This year the CMO reported less than 5 teenage pregnancies in the same age group. The trustees and staff confidently know that in many of the schools in Jersey the absolute majority of young people know what Brook does, what we offer in terms of education, counselling and support, and clinical services, and most importantly they trust Brook to provide a confidential service.

Finally at Brook in Bristol, where the teenage pregnancy rate remains stubbornly high there is a really keen awareness of the importance of working effectively and creatively with both young men and young women. Yes access to and confidence in using contraception is an important part of the solution and central to success is a strong focus on gender, really focusing on improving respect and understanding between young men and young women so relationships are positive and equitable. Promoting gender equity is vital and remains one of the biggest challenges in ensuring positive sexual cultures amongst (young) people.

What I know about men and women

In the Observer Women's magazine today, there is an interview with Fay Weldon, writer, - What I know about Men, and with Mathew Horne, actor - What I know about women.

Both interviews are really interesting - Fay Weldon describes a completely men free upbringing and the thrill of sex at University - 'there was no contraception, so sex with thrilling and dangerous'.

After reading Mathew Horne's interview I am a fan with his positive attitude to sexuality and desire for a more sensible society that frees men and women from restrictive gendered expectations - 'i think we should be in a society where everybody is free and not suppressed by restrictive ideas of sexuality. I am a gay straight man or a straight gay....I don't want to have sex with men, that's all. It doesn't upset me. It doesn't disgust me. I just don't want to do it. Women he goes on to say respond in different ways - they either find it intriguing or threatening.

Here are the links to the interviews;

http://www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2009/mar/08/fay-weldon-what-know-about-men

http://www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2009/mar/08/matthew-horne-what-know-about-women

Whilst on the subject of Mathew Horne, his current play in the West End, Entertaining Mr Sloane is excellent - Imelda Staunton, who played Vera Drake, the brilliant film about abortion, is also in the play.

What makes a purse a purse?

Do you know the difference between a purse and a wallet? My five year old nephew is still slightly exasperated and cross with me for saying that his wallet is a purse over the Christmas holidays. It looked like a purse to me. Purses are for girls and boys have wallets. Apparently.

Answers on my blog please so I can either apologise for getting it wrong, or confidently be the annoying (his words)/educative (my preference) uncle who believes it vital to explain that the difference between a purse and a wallet is based on what it is, not on the gender of the person using it.

Regardless of the answer, we had a great debate about what it was ok for boys and girls to do. Our conversation affirmed my belief that primary schools must begin formal sex and relationships education as soon as children start school. They are clearly learning about gender and relationships anyway.

Aged 8 or 9, my friend Tanya and I were asked by our Sunday School teacher what we wanted to be when we grew up. She wanted to be a doctor. I firmly told her that just wasn't possible. She wasn't a man. I was corrected, but I didn't believe it for quite a while. (And no, I didn't say I wanted to be a sex educator - that particular day i wanted to be a radio DJ - a local radio station had just launched)

If the purse conversation was proof my lovely boy was learning the rules of gender early and definitively, i smiled later that day when he shrieked with delight because i could type fast without looking at the keyboard. When I was at primary school that really was proof that you weren't a proper man at all. Two steps forward. One step back.