Consent, boundaries, love and social media

Over the last couple of days there has been a lot in the press about internet porn and its impact on young people's behaviours - the behaviours of some individuals have always been and continue to be abhorrent. Now we have pornography and social media to blame and it can be easy to think there is a magic bullet solution. There isn't, but a big contributor is good quality relationships and sex education at home and school. Whatever your view on opt in controls for pornography the heart of the public debate must centre around the issue of consent and how we teach young people about sexual consent.

Consent has always been, and will continue to be, the difference between sex that can be positive, pleasurable and healthy and sex that is harmful or exploitative.  That is why we must from an early age support children and young people's to understand, respect, give and get consent in all aspects of their lives.  At a very early age it starts with sharing toys and good and bad touch. As young people get older this early learning will be built on and include sexual consent.  As with all relationships and sex education it is important that we find ways to do this that are meaningful and engaging and can be applied to real live situations.  Real life stories, case studies and scenarios are a perfect way of doing this.  

I must have been away or had my head under the pillow when this story broke about Tulisa Constostavlos' ex-partner releasing a 'sex tape' on the internet.  Not the first and unfortunately certainly won't be the last.

Her response - a You Tube video - however in which she is clear her trust was betrayed offers a refreshing response to those shame filled apologies that often follow. Below is Eva Wiseman's article in the Guardian which gives more information, and Tulisa's You Tube video.

If I was still working with young people on a daily basis this would be my latest 'real life scenario and case study for exploring consent, boundaries, love, relationships and social media.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/mar/24/tulisa-contostavlos-feminisms-new-hero

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCVz0fSDXEI

Interesting reads

I have read two very different books over the last couple of weeks that are well worth a read;

Street Boys by Tim Pritchard which tells the story of 7 young men from London who get involved in crime.  This factual story gives a different perspective behind the guns and drugs stories we read about daily. It is challenging because it brings you face to face with horrible events that none of us would wish for young people, and it again reminds us of the importance of love and care in the early years and how we play russian roulette with children's lives when they do not get this.

Friends like these by Danny Wallace which is easy reading, and gives a warm feeling as it inevitably takes you on a nostalgic journey through your past and may even get you reaching for facebook or friends reunited to find some of your old buddies. 

What words for teaching about love?

Love and the overwhelming power of the feelings connected with love have been on the top of my mind over the last few weeks. At a friends wedding the lump in my throat was very big as speeches were made - the love was palpable and it felt amazing. A couple of friends have also had babies this month and alll parents are just describing the immediate strength of their love. And last night I went to a friends pre-wedding party (a modern day hen do, with men and women - is that a sten or a hag do?)

As often happens at these party's those who have already committed to marriage think nothing of the huge decision that has been made - to commit to someone for the rest of their life - and those who have not yet got to that point, stand in the corner and wander how she knows this is the right time and the right one - even though we can tell by the sparkle in her eyes and the ways she is that it is the right time. Last night a friend and I talked about how we can communicate the concept of love to young people so they understand it, look for it, feel it, work at it, treasure it and are not be fooled by it. In a world that is perhaps increasingly cynical about enduring love it seems important to me, that we spend some more time discussing love with our young. If anyone has found good ways of doing it, that have truly engaged with young people I would be interested to find out what you have found works.