Our cultural attitude towards young people and sex

Below is the link to an article written by me and published by Progress Online today

http://www.progressonline.org.uk/Magazine/article.asp?a=4229

National Condom Week (again)

I don't want to start measuring my years in national condom weeks, but it seems that some things you have no control of and the stark realisation of the fact NCW is here again has set me off on a where did the last year go path - all i can conclude is that the last year has gone ridiculously quickly, and as this is my third national condom week since being at Brook, maybe it is whilst being at Brook that time goes so quickly....

For the last two years I have suggested that every question should have a condom related answer during NCW - a couple of people who read this blog commented (privately) that it was a stupid idea and you tried it anyway and it was good fun. On that basis maybe some more of you should try it this year and share your experiences on this blog.....

and if that doesn't take your fancy here is the link to Durex's Great British Sex Survey http://www.durexsurvey.co.uk/

The links between sex, alcohol and other drugs

Last week I went to a policy focused meeting on the links between sexual risk taking and alcohol. At Brook we know that alcohol affects young people's sexual behaviour in a range of ways. It can give young people confidence to talk to someone they otherwise wouldn't, make the first move or to have sex they have decided they want.

They can also use it to explain away their behaviour, such as not using a condom or planning another form of contraception, and it can of course lead them to make choices about sex that they may later regret, or indeed to put themselves in unsafe situations where they can be hurt or abused, or indeed where they are violent themselves.

The evidence backs up our experience of working on the front line working with young people day in day out. I am really pleased government is going to look at joining up these issues - we know after all that young people's lives are joined up.

In trying to find a policy solution we must not lose sight of the massive cultural change that needs to take place - as one youth worker said to me 'what does it say about our culture that ADULTS (my emphasis) and young people need to go out and get absolutely pissed out of their heads so they can have the sex they want?'

Young people learn about alcohol from the adults around us - they learn from us that you drink if you are sad, drink if you are happy, to commisserate and celebrate. So all of us parents, carers, teachers, health professionals, youth, community and social workers must hold the mirror at ourselves if we want young people to develop positive attitudes to sex, drinking and keeping safe.

PSHE review

Following the publication on Monday of Sir Alasdair Macdonald's review on Personal, Social, Health and Economic (PSHE) education the headlines in the media yet again bear no resemblance to the actual story and are simply sensationalising a very important and real issue for young people. Some of the headlines pick out age old debates that most of us have moved on from – most people now are talking about how to deliver PSHE and SRE, not whether we deliver it.

I am generally pleased with the report, there is a lot of information in it that is sensible and reflects the consensus that exists. However, as Brook is a young people’s organisation I am concerned that allowing parents to withdraw children from lessons could undermine the right of every child to receive education about sex and relationships.

I look forward to the outcome of the public consultation and would encourage the government to implement these changes as soon as possible to ensure that all young people receive the information and learning that they tell us that they need and are entitled to.

I urge people to respond to the consultation so that the majority support for young people is heard.

when people bully others...

it hurts.  Yesterday I was at the bus stop and there was a group of about 10 young women and around them 6 or so adults.  I immediately got the sense that something wasn't right.  All the young women were looking at one person and she didn't look happy.    She was being bullied about her appearance - body image again.   

After waiting to get a sense of the situation I interjected with something along the lines of 'come on guys give her a break'.  One of them turned and said 'she said she doesn't like us' as she looked me up and down to see what she could say about me and decided against it - I replied 'neither would I if there were 10 of you all teasing me'.  They disbanded slightly and threw odd spiteful remarks but with less intensity.  

By now, there was another adult at the bus stop who was inviting the young woman being bullied to go to a different part of the bus stop with her.  The young woman started to cry, and went with her. 

Having run the Anti Bullying Alliance and spoken to a lot of young people who are bullied I know that it is never easy having adults intervene and I do wish there was a right answer - but I could not stand there and watch this happen.  Too many adults do that.  And too many children get hurt without being helped.  

Everyone at the bus stop apart from me was Black African, and suddenly the woman who had helped the young woman turned to the rest of the young women and said 'this is bullying, you are bullying, this is as bad as racism, it makes me very sad that this is still happening to girls'. And I could see the pain on her face and I imagine that what was happening had clicked into something that had happened to her or someone she knew. 

I was telling my partner about it over supper and I hoped the young woman had a safe home to go to with an adult she could trust to talk to about it.  This morning I hope even more that even if those girls do not stop their bullying behaviour now, they will have had a very strong signal that lots of us don't like bullying of any sort and that we think it is wrong.

Gender and sexual bullying goes on every day in the playground, in the streets and in schools and youth clubs across the country.  There are many testimonies of it from young people.  As adults we must ensure that this doesn't go by unnoticed and that we safely challenge bullying behaviours wherever they are.

Body image

I was travelling home late on the tube last night and was stood next to a group of young women.  I was really disturbed by the (loud) conversations about their body shapes and sizes - they were prodding, poking and pinching each other and themselves and shrieking at how fat they were, how disgusting they looked, how their clothes were too tight, how they were unattractive and deserved to be spotty.  In my view they were neither fat or spotty.  

Tonight I was heartened to observe an alternative sense of body confidence as I crossed Clapham Common - there was another group of young women who were posing to and for each other - they were a similar size, a similar shape and a similar age - yet they were flicking their hair, smiling and glowing with confidence.

At Brook we get phone calls every day from young people who are worried about their bodies - are they normal, do they look like everyone else and they need a lot of reassurance.  The only thing that is normal about our bodies is that they are always different.  We have to make sure that young people get the chance to feel confident in their bodies.  

Work it Out

Work it Out is a gay youth group that is run by Brook in Wirral.  A couple of weeks ago they held a conference organised by the young people to address homophobia.  I was unable to go but lucky enough to be sent copies of the young people's presentations.  

Some of the young people's stories were frighteningly unacceptable - tales of bullying, hurt and being 'disowned', but that was the side that they did not have control over - they were also tales of resilience, of self belief and of confident optimism for the future.

The role that individual staff and the support of peers had played through the Work it Out group was evident and when i finished reading the stories i felt immensely proud of the work that has taken place and determined to find ways to share the learning so other young people in other places that Brook Centres are also get the chance to 'Work it Out'.

Their website www.workitoutatbrook.org.uk