Tackling bullying needs deep rooted culture change

The last few weeks we have seen rotten and thoroughly unacceptable online behaviour with sadly tragic consequences.

Our timelines have been filled with untold horrors including evidence of rape threats, death and bomb threats, sexual violence and extreme online bullying. My thoughts of course go out to the individuals and families who are dealing with threats of violence, with violence and with deaths of loved ones.

Against that backdrop there is, it seems, a welcome and important change afoot based on a reawakened realisation that misogyny and bullying is alive, well and kicking, and a collective determination to do something about it. This time the media focus is on behaviours displayed online. Important though it is to find cyber-solutions, let us remember bad behaviour is not new to our era. There are many examples of 'off line trolling' such as the protesters at the funeral of 21 year old man Matthew Shepard who was brutally murdered. Despicably anti gay protesters turned up with banners showing 'Matt in Hell and No Fags in Heaven'.

Technological solutions of course play an important part. Like 'porn filters' technology cannot provide the whole answer. I agree wholeheartedly with Mr Cameron, sites must step up to the plate and do all they reasonably can to ensure online bullying does not happen, and where it does they must tackle it. I also agree that parents and children must have much more discussion about online activity, and to be able to seek help and support when they need to.

There is of course an insidious problem with online behaviour – many parents and professionals feel flummoxed about what to do to tackle online behaviours. We mustn't. Just like our off line lives we can and must nurture the courage, confidence and skills to shut down, disable accounts and walk away.

Of course people are looking for the tough response. Calling for a site to shut down is a tough response. Deep down however, do we believe it will fully achieve the change we need to see? If somebody I loved was hurt online I would want to shut down the site too. But that doesn't make it a cure-all response that will create the right results. Imagine if we shut down every school, college, university and workplace where serious bullying takes place. However, like schools and other institutions, the online sites must respond proactively to tackle bullying.

So the task is much more fundamental and much bigger than closing down a site now and another next month – it is one that challenges the way we live and changes our cultural and social norms. It requires a willingness and desire to live side by side with people the same and different from us and sustained coherent public policy which supports that goal. It requires cultural and societal change from the very top which determines that bullying, violence and prejudice in all its forms including misogyny and homophobia is completely unacceptable on or off line. Always and without argument these cannot be tolerated whether in our parliamentary chambers, our primary school playgrounds or our social networking sites.

And that requires considerable changes to what we teach children and young people – not just about online safety and cyber bullying – but about structural inequalities and the nature and abuse of power, about prejudice and bullying, respect and consent. It also requires us all to learn to manage conflict, its importance for fulfilling lives and how to respond and manage it well and where to go for help and support.

That education is a job for all. It must be at home, at school and in the community – in our churches, our youth clubs and voluntary youth provision. That is why again I would have liked Mr Cameron to focus on the role of education too. Wouldn't it have been fantastic if he had said today: "Until now we have got it wrong on PSHE education. It’s time for change and time to make sure every child in every school gets excellent Personal, Social, Health and Economic education that prepares them to manage their lives on and off line both now and in the future. I want to make sure every child and young person receives PSHE education that has equality at its heart, ensures children and young people know bullying and prejudice is always wrong, and that help is always available however big or little an issue seems."

In the end it comes down to this – our best tool for change is positive education that creates new norms. Yes we must demand that social networking sites do all they can and be accountable for doing all they can. We must expect investment in technological solutions so they do all they can. But violence and bullying is done by people and we must recognise technological solutions will not be able to compensate for the attitudes that leads to bullying behaviour. 

We cannot continue to only react when things go wrong and lives are lost – we must make active steps to prevent this from happening. And we must not continue to condemn young people for unacceptable behaviour and bullying without investing the time, energy and money to help young people lead the way in creating positive social norms and pro-social behaviours.

There is now a wasted opportunity – the new National Curriculum consultation closes today, as it currently stands it will not ensure all children and young people get good quality PSHE education which will help them develop the skills, personal qualities and behaviours to manage their on and off line lives. 

Against this backdrop of extreme concern we must also remember that overall the Internet is a positive force for good. Everyday it provides vital advice, information and support for all children and young people – including those who are being bullied such as that provided by www.brook.org.uk, www.thesite.org and Beat Bullying's cyber mentors http://www.beatbullying.org/. A group of young people I talked to earlier this week were also keen to remind me that most young people are 'fairly nice' and do not bully and hurt others. Even in hard and emotional times we must remember this, while working together to change the behaviour of those who engage in bullying behaviour, and giving help and ensure the best support to those who are targeted.

Guest blog: P+ national meeting June 2013

Guest blog from Brook’s Participation Lead, Naomi Sheppard.

At the end of June, I was privileged to be working with a truly amazing group of young people and Brook staff, while facilitating Brook’s second national participation advisory group residential (called “P+” by the young people involved). This brought together 14 young volunteers, aged 16 – 23, from across the organisation on a three day residential in London, focusing on Brook’s commitment to ensuring an active and meaningful partnership with young people, based on choice, shared decision-making and respect.

Brook believes that participation is a process through which young people can be heard, influence decisions and, importantly, effect real change. Young people were involved in setting the agenda for the event, which included:

• a workshop on business planning, delivered by Brook’s Executive Director of Finance and Corporate Services;
• a workshop on becoming a Young Trustee – we have two places ring fenced on our Board for young people;
• developing a communications strategy so that young volunteers can share learning, develop ideas and find out about new opportunities;
• making a short film about participation, to help explain the importance of young people’s involvement from a rights based perspective
• reviewing Brook’s complaints procedure, to ensure that young people using Brook’s services are empowered to be involved in service development.

The young people were extremely focused and hard working during the event, generating an incredible amount of fantastic work which will be used to help to shape Brook. Their enthusiasm and motivation was inspirational, and it was brilliant to work with such an eclectic mix of individuals, with a diverse range of experiences and backgrounds within the group, including several from minority ethnic backgrounds, young people who identified as lesbian, gay or bisexual, young people with a range of socio-economic backgrounds and abilities, those with experience of mental illness and mild to moderate learning difficulties.

We all had a lot of fun too, and the young people remarked on how quickly they all bonded. Team building included a trip bowling, and some of the young people enjoyed attending London Pride, which was running on the same weekend!

We received really positive feedback about the event, both from young people and staff involved, including:

“Volunteering with Brook is a self enriching and an enlightening experience, it has been great actually having my views and opinions heard and acknowledged, knowing that I as a young person can make a difference has assured me that Brook values young people’s opinions.”
Jakub, Young Volunteer

“Thank you so much for the fantastic weekend I have had!! I really hope and wish I get to meet everyone again!! Feels like I've known them all for longer than 2 days and we all got along so well and had such amazing ideas.” 
Rebecca, Young Volunteer

“I just want to say what a great time I had at the P+ weekend [...] it was
really enjoyable and made me even more excited to be involved with Brook, as well as giving me more ideas for what we could do in Bedford. I hope that there will be more P+ events in the future as I think this one was really beneficial to everyone. I really like how Brook does really want young people's involvement and opinions and ideas.”
Lucinda, Young Volunteer

“This weekend reminded me why I got into working with young people in the first place!”
Brook staff member

“I’ve had a wicked time!  It’s been awesome and really inspiring!”
Brook staff member

P+ volunteers holding up signs from the Sex:Positive campaign pledge.

To find out more about young people’s participation at Brook and to view the short film created by the young people during the event please visit: http://www.brook.org.uk/index.php/more/participation 

Guest blog post from Reni Eddo-Lodge

This guest blog is written by Reni Eddo-Lodge who is writes about all sorts of social justice issues at renieddolodge.co.uk

Young people have always been, and will continue to be interested in sex. The critical question shouldn’t necessarily be about whether they can access sex videos online, but rather about where they get their information from. If it’s not available at school or if parents are too squeamish, it’s unsurprising that young people might turn to porn to find out what goes where. David Cameron’s solution to this is an opt-in porn filter enforced by all internet service providers. He says this will protect childhood innocence, but it strikes me that this take is much like trimming at the leaves of a tree in order to stop it growing rather than ripping it out at the root.

Very recently, Cameron delivered a speech about the dangers of porn. He described it as a cultural problem, saying: ‘Many children are viewing online pornography and other damaging material at a very early age and…the nature of that pornography is so extreme it is distorting their view of sex and relationships.’ In his speech, the concept of education was mentioned a handful of times, all in the context of online safety rather than consent. 

Though I am nowhere near being Prime Minister any time soon, I’d like to suggest a more holistic approach.  In an ideal world, age appropriate sex and relationships education and hardcore pornography could peacefully coexist .We’d have a curriculum that equips young people with the critical tools to interpret, challenge, and (if they so wish) avoid porn. The impending porn block might crack down on the perceived problem of the ‘sexualisation’ of children, but David Cameron doesn’t even attempt to broach the real problem.

Frankly, it is blatant hypocrisy that Cameron would move to crack down on access to pornography whilst abandoning compulsory sex education. It’s a move that placates the concerns of parents, whilst leaving young people high and dry. When it comes to porn, education and sex, the concerns of the different generations are not the same. In 2011 we saw the Bailey report - a review into the commercialisation and sexualisation of children. The Bailey report gave voice to a lot of worried parents. In its qualitative research, it quoted parents who said things like: “The music videos that children can watch are extremely explicit – from the clothes they wear to the words and actions. Some songs my 13 year old sings back are shocking”. 
Yet just a few years earlier, UK Youth Parliament released a report called 'Are you Getting it?' After surveying over 20,000 young people, they found that 40% said the sex education they received in school was poor or very poor, with 33% saying it was average. They also found that 57% of girls aged 15 to 17 had not been taught how to use a condom. Condoms rarely appear in porn, so it’s clear there is a problem here. Schools aren’t teaching it and porn isn’t representing reality. So how are young people supposed to know? 

The current substandard, non-compulsory state of sex and relationships education in the UK is tantamount to state negligence. This is against a national backdrop in which consent is not on the curriculum and too many people learn about it through trial and error. I wish I could say that this is an exaggeration, but  the reality is that one in five women in England and Wales have reported a sexual offence since the age of 16 - and that’s nothing on the hundreds and thousands of incidents that go unreported to victim blaming and shame.
It doesn’t look like it’s going to get better any time soon.  Personal, Social, Health and Economic education (PSHE), the traditional home of sex ed, was left languishing at non-statutory status on the national curriculum in the latest government review.

We still live in a world where young people are none the wiser until they actively seek out information.  A strong, preventative, educational line on consent could alleviate some of the fears around hardcore porn that already exists and could draw clear lines around fantasy and reality.  If Cameron is serious about protecting young people both on and offline then he has to realise that consent is the key. We’re not just at risk from paedophiles - we also pose risks to each other.

https://www.gov.uk/government/speeches/the-internet-and-pornography-prime-minister-calls-for-action
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2013/jan/10/sex-crimes-analysis-england-wales
http://www.ukyouthparliament.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/AreYouGettingIt.pdf
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/175418/Bailey_Review.pdf
http://www.pshe-association.org.uk/resources_search_details.aspx?ResourceId=495

Sexual violence, misogyny and music - trigger material for working with young people or training professionals

Weekend Woman's Hour on 3rd August had a piece about whether music lyrics influence young men's behaviour towards women, and whether it encourages sexual violence and misogyny. The piece includes talking heads material with both young men and young women, and shows some gendered differences of opinion about its impact. The link is here http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/whnews

The item could be used in education work with young people as well as training with professionals. It starts at about 24 minutes in. (Before this is an interesting item with Ariana Huffington, founder of the Huff Post about the importance of work life balance, and after a live commentary as a vasectomy is underway). Joan Smith (@polblonde), columnist at the Independent and Co Chair of the Violence Against Women Committee for the Major of London was on the programme. It was good to hear her be very clear that all schools should be delivering good quality sex and relationships education to help develop good relationships with boys and girls, and to call out this (and I will add previous) government for their inaction to make sure all children and young people receive SRE in schools.

The events on twitter this week also provide an important source of material for discussion about sexual violence, abuse and misogyny. There are numerous blogs, tumblrs etc full of narrative that can be used as trigger material to discuss behaviour and technology, as well as sexual violence, abuse and misogyny. And equally of course there is a really interesting discussion to be had about the different responses people had - some wanting to 'take back twitter' by keeping silent, and others to shout back and refuse to be silent. Both valid responses (this article is a useful summary - www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/twitter/10221381/twittersilence-is-trending-but-is-it-working.html


Writing this has made me feel incredibly nostalgic and wish I was back at Falcon Camp in America as I was 20 years ago sitting around the campfire on a nightly basis talking to young people about all these types of issues - generally the same themes, but different contexts and different triggers. Sadly in that 20 years not nearly enough has changed when it comes to gender equality as we have seen sharply this week from the abuse and rape threats on twitter. Whether music lyrics do influence behaviour and encourage misogyny or not is a debate that will continue. Whatever the answer it is only part of a cultural context in which young people are growing up - one in which sexism and misogyny still flourishes. That is not a culture in which all children and young people can flourish and it is not one we can settle for.

Pornography, young people, safeguarding and education

Over the weekend there has been significant press reporting about child sexual abuse images and online pornography. Yesterday David Cameron announced there will be new legislation making 'rape pornography' illegal. Beyond the accusations of censorship and an industry reluctant to engage, the realities are more subtle, the challenges more complex and the need for good education more acute.

You can read the full speech online here: http://www.conservatives.com/News/Speeches/2013/07/The_Prime_Ministers_speech_on_protecting_our_children_online.aspx.

All of us, as sensible citizens would agree that child sexual images on the Internet are abuse. All efforts to tackle this form of abuse, like all other forms of abuse must be addressed. It is my experience that politicians, young people, parents, police, children's services and industry agree on this. 

The more difficult challenge is understanding how best to protect children and young people from the pernicious effects of online pornography that they don't want to access, whilst recognising that technological solutions – filters – trying to do this may also prevent young people accessing vital information online that is both educational and/or advice and support for those experiencing difficulty.

Brook, and other youth agencies have already experienced being 'blocked' in the past because our content has been deemed unacceptable.  As a result our site has been placed on a 'black list' by a machine sometimes taking a long time to unblock, and young people not receiving vital information whilst this takes weeks to resolve. Solutions must be proportionate. Efforts to protect young people from harm must not create more harm than good through unintended impact.

Mr Cameron’s speech did make reference to some of the points I highlight in this blog post, and I am emphasising where extra special care has to be taken.

Some of those unintended impacts are a narrative that all pornography is bad, and all viewing of pornography leads to harm. The evidence is less clear than this. Our experience at Brook is that pornography is undoubtedly part of an increasing source of education for young people. That is worrying in the absence of trusted, reliable sources of education – parents, schools, youth and community organisations. See this article from WAtoday (Western Australia's news website) which highlights research on the impact of the lack of sex and relationships education and driving young people to look online and at pornography for information about what sex is like: http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/porn-becoming-substitute-for-sex-education-20130719-2q9e7.html. And we also know from our experience at Brook that most young people can distinguish between the fantasy as provided by pornography and the reality of real life relationships. It is our job to make sure they do.

The second unintended impact is a narrative that depicts technology as bad and largely ignores the positive benefits, including the fact that young people access tremendous amounts of information, advice and support via the Internet that can often quite literally be a life saver. 
 
Technology is of course expected to provide the solution and the answer. Yet we know that it can't and it won't alone. And that is why I worry that in all this tough on industry rhetoric there isn't a stronger accompanying message which emphasises the important role of education. The important role of parents, of schools and of communities in teaching about online safety, and about using the Internet well to benefit from all the brilliant help and advice it can offer.
 
Much more emphasis could be placed on school based sex and relationships education as part of the solution - a universal entitlement that forms part of our duty to safeguard, protect and empower young people. So my advice to Mr Cameron is be tough on industry yes, and please work with them to use their capabilities and resources well. I would also advise him to demonstrate he will do all he can by being tough on his Ministry for Education as they conclude their National Curriculum consultation which closes on 8 August. The PSHE Association has written to Ministers with recommendations about how to reflect a strong commitment to PSHE as evidenced in documents from Home Office, DH and indeed DfE.
 
A simple statement in the National Curriculum from government about the vital role of PSHE in protecting children and young people such as the one below could be a game changer and demonstrate he means business – 'It is expected that all schools will deliver Personal,  Social, Health, and Economic education to meet the statutory requirements to support children and young people's spiritual, moral, social and cultural development and to prepare children and young people to live, grow and learn in an ever changing, fast paced and technologically driven global economy.'
 
I know any action to improve school based sex and relationships education coupled with technological solutions and support for parents will be supported by the absolute majority including organisations such as MumsNet, the Office of the Children's Commissioner, the PSHE Association, the End Violence Against Women Coalition and the Sex Education Forum.
 
Finally, my advice would be make sure the organisations who work with children AND young people are involved – and be clear with different age groups come different realities – and most importantly ensure young people's views constantly drive government thinking and policy proposals. We know at Brook they have a lot of ideas and thoughts about online pornography – some similar and some more nuanced because they are living their lives now. The quote below from a young person involved with Brook shows just how much they have to offer:
 
“…I think instead of stopping young people watching porn, it is an inevtiabilty which will occur. I think the focus of the debate should be around teachig young people, the differences between porn and reality, so that this doesn't give off unrealistic images to younger people about how they should look or act sexually, there should be emphasis on teaching the rights and wrongs of vewing different types of porn.”

PSHE: a liberating mandate

This week I had the pleasure of speaking at a Westminster Briefing Event about Personal, Social and Health Education.  I was fourth to go in an impressive line up of speakers so when planning my presentation I was pretty sure there would be a whole lot of duplication if I wasn't careful.  I therefore abandoned powerpoint so I wouldn't be a slave to it come what may.  I went with a few key messages, and a view to identifying and addressing the issues delegates raised throughout the session.

This approach can be a bit unnerving but it has always served me well in the past, and so it proved this time too.  Joe, Jenny and Janet from PSHE Association and Ofsted were excellent and did indeed cover all the issues I would have and more had I prepared a powerpoint.

If you read no further, here is a key message from the session - Ofsted is clear there is a correlation between outstanding PSHE and outstanding schools.  This is an important piece of evidence and a big carrot for anyone trying to get more curriculum time and resources for PSHE.  It also seems to have been missed by many in the recent PSHE report 'Not good enough yet' from Ofsted.

Here are some of the other key points from the morning.

1. DfE have published their revised National Curriculum proposals (consultation ends first week of August). It is not proposed that PSHE is a compulsory subject, however there is a clear expectation and mandate that PSHE should form part of a balanced curriculum. For the first time ever it is clear that maintained secondary schools are required to provide sex and relationships (my emphasis) education which is excellent.

Not unexpectedly there was a consensus from speakers and delegates that schools can only fulfil their requirements to provide a broad and balanced curriculum, and support their spiritual, moral, social and cultural development if they provide PSHE.

Once the final National Curriculum is published, as far as PSHE is concerned DfE is not going to do much more.  We therefore need to look to Ofsted with confidence to ensure that provision for personal, social development is part of the inspection regime.  Janet Palmer from Ofsted emphasised that children and young people are much more involved in the inspection process than previously and so their health and well being does come to the fore more during inspection.

With the expectation from DfE that PSHE will be delivered, and the knowledge that DfE will not be producing further guidance we are now liberated and mandated to get on with it ourselves. The teachers and partners who work within them are free to get on and deliver without the shadow of politicisation on the subject.

It will be up to schools to develop and deliver a curriculum that meets their children's needs, and it will be beholden on us to find out where it is working well and share examples of best practice.  Organisations such as The PSHE Association, Sex Education Forum and ourselves at Brook will continue to share learning from schools across the country, and provide training and support.

We must use this opportunity that has been created to generate a new dialogue that helps senior leaders recognise and understand the value of PSHE in creating safe schools where all children can achieve, develop and grow with confidence, and that teachers are supported and trained to deliver PSHE confidently.

2. The major teaching Unions are all increasingly supportive of the need for PSHE.  That increasing support is really welcome and their influence and leadership will help improvement.

3. Whilst some young people do experience disadvantage and can be extremely vulnerable to abuse and violence as a result, we have a heightened and disproportionate sense of risk and danger to, and threat from young people that is out of step with the evidence of what life is really like.  We also sometimes expect PSHE (and school) to be a panacea for all societal problems which it cannot be.

It is important to remember we live in the most peaceful times ever.  Most young people, with the right support and care, navigate their way through adolescence successfully, and demonstrate incredible talent and resourcefulness along the way.  PSHE and access to confidential sexual health and support services is a universal right and entitlement for all children and young people. Additional targeted support can and must be provided for those young people who need it both within and outside the classroom.

To help professionals realistically assess harm Brook has an online safeguarding Traffic Light Tool which can help professionals to identify and assess sexual behaviours - it can be found at www.brook.org.uk/traffic-lights

4. We must helpfully stop calling some issues 'sensitive'.  There are a cluster of issues including homosexuality, sexual exploitation and FGM which are often referred to as sensitive.

If we frame them as sensitive issues they will continue to be perceived as such for generations to come.  Some adults may find issues difficult to talk about, and of care always needs to be taken when discussing these issues in the classroom but that does not make it a sensitive issue.  Sexual exploitation and FGM are both abuse and must be talked about and must be described as as such.  Schools have a duty to promote equality and in the words of Stonewall, 'some people are gay, get over it'.

5. There is absolutely no legislation that says certain issues cannot be talked about in the classroom - as with all lessons, the school policy provides the framework within which teachers use their professional judgement about what to say and how to say it.  If the teacher considers it inappropriate to discuss an issue or answer a question in a classroom environment it is the teachers responsibility to either speak in a 1:1 setting or signpost the young person to somebody who can help them.

6. To end where I started, there is a clear link between educational attainment and PSHE.  This combined with our moral imperative to ensure children and young people have the skills and resourcefulness to move with confidence through puberty, into adolescence and adulthood makes this mandate and fresh commitment from DfE to the relationships part of sex and relationships education a welcome one.

Useful websites www.psheassociation.org.uk, www.sexeducationforum.org.uk and of course www.brook.org.uk

Follow us on twitter

@simonablake
@besexpositive
@brookcharity

Basically we need sex and relationships education everywhere

There has been a lot of discussion and press coverage recently about pornography and its impact on young people's values and attitudes and their understanding of healthy relationships, consent and sexual violence and safety. The Office of the Children's Commissioner published  'Porn is basically everywhere....' (hence the title of this blog). As I write this weekend Woman's Hour is discussing pornography, sexual violence and the importance of sex education as fundamental in protecting young people.

As you would expect there is a very wide range of different views about pornography and its impact on attitudes and behaviour. The evidence is in fact pretty unclear (see http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jun/30/ban-pornography-and-you-promote-censorship).  It is crystal clear however is the back drop against which young people develop an understanding of sex and sexuality is changing dramatically in the digital age and access to pornography is getting easier.

Pornography comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of it portrays illegal, abusive and dangerous activity and that of course requires a particular response.  And despite much of the concern focusing on 'hard core porn' the confidence and concerns of a lot of young people are likely to be centred around images of 'perfect' bodies and and overly competent sexual activity that creates anxiety and confusion about pubic hair, ejaculate, breast or penis size etc.

It is also clear that whatever internet controls are available access to and availability of pornography is here to stay.  Our job as sensible adults is to trust young people, keep pornography use in perspective and to ensure that pornography is not the primary sex educator for young people by educating them about pornography ourselves.

Despite what many people believe most young people manage their sexual lives and relationships pretty well. Day in day out at Brook we see hundreds of young people who despite our peculiar culture about sex make an active decision to access education, help, advice and treatment.

Most of them tell us they wish they had better education at home and at school, most of them know the difference between fantasy and reality or are savvy enough to ask the difference if we create safe spaces. And it is our job to ensure ALL of them know the difference between fantasy and reality and have safe spaces to ask through good education and support. That is why I was so pleased to see the recommendation from the Office of the Children's Commissioner that we must improve sex and relationships education in schools.

It is our job to help young people - both young men and young women - feel good about themselves and confident about their rights,  understand what consent is and how to actively give or refuse it, the importance of only having sex they want and choose and know that everyone has the right to say no, to change their mind or to do some things but not others.

And whatever else goes on in the digital age those are values, beliefs and skills we can and must nurture in our young people. To do otherwise is an abdication of our responsibility to young people.

The Sex Education Forum has published a magazine to help us talk to young people about pornography (www.ncb.org.uk/SEF). http://bishuk.com/ also has useful advice and materials.